


It'll Be Dinosaurs Next Week

by misura



Category: 21 Jump Street (2012)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-23
Updated: 2013-12-23
Packaged: 2018-01-05 18:40:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1097330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Maybe we're teenage superheroes," Jenko said.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It'll Be Dinosaurs Next Week

**Author's Note:**

  * For [allheadybooks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/allheadybooks/gifts).



> because everything is better with giant robots?

"Giant robot behind you!" Schmidt yelled, and Jenko jumped for a conveniently located crate, guns akimbo, in lovely slow-motion with suitably cool music playing in the background.

"Nice going with the exposition, buddy," he said, reloading while the giant robot did whatever giant robots did during the time ordinary people reloaded their weapons.

Schmidt grinned at him. There was a bit of dirt streaked on his face to imply that while he'd just been in an explosion, that only made him better-looking. Less cherub-face, more action-hero. "Cold opening, you know."

"Actually, I think it's pretty hot in here," Jenko said, peering around the edge of the crate, gun at the ready.

"You think I should take off all my clothes?" Schmidt asked, which was just so - no. Just no.

"Dude," Jenko said. "That song is, like, older than your grandmother."

Schmidt grimaced and went for it - practically the same movement (up-then-sideways-then-down) Jenko'd been doing just seconds ago, except that his was in normal motion and partially fade-to-black, so Jenko figured that was all right. "That's a pretty insensitive remark, you know. She died, like, two days ago."

"No, she didn't," Jenko said, because he'd know.

"How do you know it doesn't feel like that, huh? To me?"

"I just do," Jenko said and then, because now was so not the time: "I'm really sorry."

"She always had these really fuck awful cookies, you know? Like, they're fucking cookies! How can cookies be bad? But they were, man. They really fucking were."

"Okay," Jenko said. That was the language rating taken care of, probably.

"But seriously," Schmidt said. "What's with this giant robot shit? I mean, why us? Aren't we supposed to be, like, undercover as teenagers or something? How do you go from, like, high school to giant robots?"

"Maybe we're teenage superheroes," Jenko said.

"We're not teenagers."

"I know that," Jenko said. "Jesus. You know what I mean."

"That's Captain Jesus to you."

"What?"

"And I've sure got better things to do with my time than figure out what you fuckers think you're doing."

"What?" Jenko repeated.

"I said: how can we be teenage superheroes if we're not even real teenagers?" Schmidt said. "God, I hate it when you ignore me. It's like, I'm your partner, all right?"

"Does God talk to you when you say stuff like that?" Jenko asked.

"Hey, did you hit your head or something?" Schmidt said, beginning to sound concerned instead of annoyed, which was sort of an improvement, Jenko supposed.

"Are we being chased by a giant robot?"

"Yes, we are being chased by a giant robot," Schmidt said. "This sure doesn't look like a high school, though. Maybe we're in an abandoned factory or something? Or a lab type of thing?"

"Maybe." Jenko wondered what was in the crate. "Shouldn't we know?"

Schmidt gestured dismissively. "Lazy writing. Probably just a quickie, you know? DVD extra? Easter egg?"

"Yuletide treat?" Jenko grimaced.

"Hey, what's wrong with Yuletide treats?" Schmidt asked. "At least I finally get laid in some of them."

"Fine," Jenko said. "Okay. Now can we get back to the giant robot that's trying to kill us?"

"I think it's a quantum thing," Schmidt said. "You know. Schrödinger's giant robot?"

"What?" Jenko asked. ( _Definitely_ lazy writing. He'd used that word at least three times already now.)

"It might be standing behind us, ready to fry our ass, or it might not," Schmidt said, and Jenko opened his mouth to say something clever and faintly scathing. "The point is," Schmidt went on, "as long as we don't look, we won't know. Ergo, if we never look, it's never going to shoot us."

"Dude. I don't think that's how it works." Jenko was pretty much 100% sure that wasn't how it worked. "Let's just do this, okay? Move out at three - you go left, I go right."

Schmidt grabbed his shoulder. "Before we do this, I want you to know that you are fucking hot right now, all right? I fucking love you, man."

"It's not subtext when you're already in a fanfic, you idiot," Jenko said and then, because he figured this was all going to be over long before it would matter: "I fucking love you, too, buddy."

They went for it.


End file.
